i.justrealized

A joke I received:

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the signreads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That’s nice”, she thinks, “but I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

And…

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Daily Star reports that coffee shrink women’s breasts and, well, has an opposite effect on men’s.

CUPPA COFFEE GIVES GIRLS A SMALLER CUP

The caffeine-fuelled drink is well-known for keeping people alert and sobering up drunks.

But Swedish scientists have caused a stir by suggesting women who drink more than three cups a day could see their bra size drop.

Nearly 300 women were quizzed but Helena Jernstroem, of Lund University, said women should not worry too much.

She explained: “Coffee-drinking women do not have to worry their breasts will shrink to nothing overnight. They will get smaller, but the breasts aren’t just going to disappear.

While caffeine may shrink women’s breasts, the reaction is the reverse for coffee-slurping blokes - it can make their “moobs” swell.

On the plus side, the study showed regular hits of caffeine reduce the risk of women
developing breast cancer. (Source: DailyStar)

(Icecream with espresso. Tried it at somewhere I can’t recall.)

Breast cancer, by the way, is number five in cancer deaths.

Instead of tights, how about… jeans? Or literally anything else.

Superhero Fashion Emergency

Gay or not, College Humor made their point.