Complete the sentence in Chinese

Found another joke in my mailbox, this time it’s about 造句:

1。题目:一边……一边……
小朋友写:他一边脱衣服,一边穿裤子。
老师批语:他到底是要脱还是要穿啊?

2。题目:其中
小朋友写:我的其中一只左脚受伤了。
老师批语:你是蜈蚣吗?

3。题目:陆陆续续
小朋友写:下班了,爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。
老师批语:你到底有几个爸爸呀?

4。题目:难过
小朋友写:我家门前有条水沟很难过。
老师批语:老师更难过。

5。题目:又 又
小朋友写:我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。
老师批语;你的妈妈是变形金钢吗?

6。题目:你看
小朋友写:你看什么看!没看过啊
老师批语:没看过

7。题目:欣欣向荣
小朋友写:欣欣向荣荣告白。
老师批语:连续剧不要看太多了!

8。题目:好吃
小朋友写:好吃个屁。
老师批语:有些东西是不能吃的。

9。题目:天真
小朋友写:今天真热。
老师批语:你真天真。

10。题目:果然
小朋友写:昨天我吃水果,然后喝凉水。
老师批语:是词组,不能分开的。

11。题目:先……再……,例题:先吃饭,再冼澡。
小朋友写:先生,再见!
老师批语:想像力超过了地球人的智慧。

12。题目:况且
小朋友写:一列火车经过,况且况且况且况且况且况
老师批语:我死了算了

I really should avoid turning this into a Chinese 博客 (blog).

History of April Fool’s Day

Here’s how April Fool’s Day begin, or to be precise, some possible reasons how April Fool’s Day come about. We pass by this day without knowing the origin of this day. Well here are some possible reasons:

When did April Fool’s Day begin?

A giddy spurt of practical joking seems to have coincided with the coming of spring since the time of the Ancient Romans and Celts, who celebrated a festival of mischief-making. The first mentions of an All Fool’s Day (as it was formerly called) came in Europe in the Middle Ages.

Some trace April Fool’s Day back to Roman mythology, particularly the story of Ceres, Goddess of the harvest, and her daughter, Proserpina. Pluto, God of the Dead, abducted Proserpina and took her to live with him in the underworld. The girl called out to her mother, but Ceres could only hear the echo of her daughter’s voice and searched for her in vain.

Such “fool’s errands,” or wild goose chases, became a popular practical joke in Europe in later centuries.

The most widespread theory of the origin of April Fool’s Day is the switch from the old Julian to the Gregorian calendar (now in use) in the late 16th century. Under the Julian calendar, the New Year was celebrated during the week between March 25 and April 1, but under the Gregorian calendar, it was moved to Jan. 1. Those who were not notified of the change, or stubbornly kept to the old tradition, were often mocked and had jokes played on them on or around the old New Year.

In France, this took the form of pranksters sticking fish on the backs of those who celebrated the old custom, earning the victims of the prank the name Poisson d’Avril, or April Fish.

But the theory can’t explain why the pranking tradition spread to other countries in Europe that did not adopt the Gregorian calendar until later.

In Scotland, the butts of April Fool’s jokes were known as April “Gowks,” another name for a cuckoo bird. The origins of the “Kick Me” sign can supposedly be traced back to the Scottish observance of the day. (Source: MSNBC)

This is the day you shouldn’t believe the news.

Some miscellaneous Chinese jokes again

Got this through a forwarded email, thought I would share with you:

小兔说:’我妈妈叫我小兔兔,好听!’
小猪说:’我妈妈叫我小猪猪,也好听!’
小狗说:’我妈妈叫我小狗狗,也很好听!’
小鸡说:’你们聊,我先走了!’

小兔说:’我是兔娘养的!’
小猪说:’我是猪娘养的!’
小鸡说:’我是鸡娘养的!’
小狗说:’你们聊,我先走了!’

浪客说:’人们叫我浪人,好听!’
武士说:’人们叫我武人,也好听!’
高手说:’人们叫我高人,也很好听!’
剑客说:’你们聊,我先走了!’

李宗仁将军说:我这人,有仁!
傅作义将军说:我这人,有义!
左权将军说:我这人,有权!
霍去病将军说:你们聊,我先走了!

老张家的门是柳木做的,老张说:我家的门是木门!
老李家的门是塑料做的,老李说:我家的门是塑门!
老王家的门是砖头做的,老王说:我家的门是砖门!
老刘家的门是钢做的,老刘说:你们聊,我先走了!

师范学院的学生说:我是’师院’的!
铁道学院的学生说:我是’铁院’的!
职业学院的学生说:我是’职院’的!
技术学院的学生说:你们聊,我先走了!

Chinese joke on computer peripherals

I found this random bit in one of my text files in the computer:

电脑设备笑话…

荧幕说:我好惨啊… 每天给人看。
键盘说:我更惨呢每天给人打。
滑鼠说:我才惨咧每天给人摸。
光碟机说:我最惨每天给人插。
Floppy说:我更惨现在没人插我了。
USB随身碟说:谁有我惨?这边插完就去那边插,一不小心还要被感染。
Mother Board说:不要以为我被很多东西插会很爽,它们插进来后就都不动了,那才是难受啊。
最后音效卡说:还说呢…明明是你被插,为甚麽都是我在叫?

Joke: How to catch a rabbit?

Share a joke with you guys:

The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit! (Source: funs.co.uk)

The shop that sells husband

A joke I received:

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the signreads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That’s nice”, she thinks, “but I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

And…

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Why a millionaire needs a bank loan?

A forwarded joke today:

Why a millionaire needs a bank loan? A lesson in creativity.

A Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.

He produces the title and everything checked out.The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan..

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,

‘Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away,we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?’

The Chinese replies: ‘Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?’