Stephen King’s alcohol and drug abuse

Stephen King reveals how wasted he was in the past:

In his 2000 memoir, On Writing, King revealed that he’d been so shattered by his alcohol and drug abuse in the 1980s that, even today, he cannot remember working on many of the books he wrote back then. There were times when he’d been doing so much blow that he wrote with cotton wads stuffed in his nostrils, to prevent blood dripping on his typewriter. (Source: Life)

Say the right thing when you’re drunk

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping

Love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

His son replies, “Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, bitch, I’m married!”. (Source: the humor archives)